The One with the Dates
by Bam27
Summary: Kramer and Phoebe are dating and they both set their friends up on dates. Ross dates Elaine.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Seinfeld and Friends. Seinfeld belongs to Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld. Friends belongs to David Crane and Marta Kauffman. No infringement of copyright is intended, and no profit will be earned.

Author's Note: This takes place with Season 9 of Seinfeld lining up with Season 4 of Friends.

Elaine walks into Central Perk to get a cup of coffee.

"Hi, I like to get a cup of coffee to go, please," Elaine said.

"Coming right up," Gunther replied. "I must say you are a very beautiful woman."

A smiling Elaine is flattered. "Oh, well thank you. You're such a charmer."

"You're as beautiful as another woman I know named Rachel. If I never get the chance to be with her, hopefully we can hook up."

"Don't push it," Elaine warning Gunther.

Gunther has his hands up in defense and walks away. Elaine sits on the couch as she waits for her coffee. She sits next to Ross, as he is reading a magazine. He then notices her.

"Hi," Ross said.

Elaine turned her head facing him and then smiled. "Hello to you indeed."

They both shake hands.

"I'm Ross Geller. Correction, Dr. Ross Geller."

"A doctor huh? You don't say," Elaine fascinated.

"Yes, Ph. D. to be exact," Ross stated.

Elaine continues to smile and slowly nods her head up and down. "_My sponge worthy senses are tingling just fine_," Elaine said then laughs in her mind.

Later, Elaine heads over to Jerry's apartment.

"Hey Jer."

"Hey Lainey, where have you been?"

"I was having coffee at Central Perk in Greenwich Village. I heard the place has great coffee."

"So is Central Perk's coffee any good?"

"Oh yeah, its great."

"Hopefully its better than Reggie's. There would be better competition if Central Perk was a rival of Monk's instead of Reggie's."

"Well with the coffee I had, it has to be better than Reggie's."

"Do they have egg white omelette and big salads?"

"Jerry, I just went to get some coffee, not to see if they have the exact same menu as Monk's."

"You could have asked while you were waiting. What were you doing at the time, busy picking your nose?"

"No, but I was busy having a conversation with a man."

"A man, huh?"

"He's not just a man Jerry, he's a doctor, Dr. Ross Geller, Ph. D."

"Surely this doctor is sponge worthy," Jerry assumed.

"Oh, he had sponge worthy written all over him. Not to mention, I sensed my sponge worthy senses tingling at that moment," Elaine smiled and then laughed.

"Well what Lainey wants, Lainey gets."

"That's right. Speaking of getting, I got his phone number too."

"Boy, you are on a roll today!" Jerry said.

"Well, I better get going, see ya," Elaine is leaving Jerry's apartment.

Kramer slides into Jerry's apartment.

"Hey Elaine," Kramer said.

"Hey, later Kramer," Elaine leaves out of the apartment door.

"Jerry, I met a woman today," Kramer said.

"Really," Jerry replied.

"Yeah, a beautiful blonde woman. She's sweet, kind, funny, and is one hell of a guitar player," Kramer explained.

"So what's her name?" Jerry asked.

"Phoebe Buffay," Kramer replied.

"Is she French?" Jerry asked.

"With a last name like that, she should be able to speak some kind of love language," Kramer replied.

"Buffay sounds like a French word for buffet," Jerry said.

"Or a French salon," Kramer pointed out.

"That too," Jerry agreed.

"Yeah I met her at the Central Perk coffeehouse," Kramer said.

"That's the same place where Elaine recently met a guy," Jerry replied.

"Really?" Kramer asked.

"Yeah," Jerry replied. "When exactly did you meet Phoebe?" he asked.

"Earlier this afternoon," Kramer replied.

"Elaine came here from Central Perk, so she obviously met the doctor she's dating not too long ago," Jerry assumed.

"What a small world we live in," Kramer replied. "You know Jerry, how about I get a date for you?" he asked.

"Kramer I don't need you to get a date for me. Jerry Seinfeld is capable of getting a date on his own."

"Come on, this is me doing you a solid, especially for being a great neighbor for all these years. Not to mention, people tend to think you're gay."

"I don't care what people think."

"Well you should and you're not getting any younger Jerry."

"Alright, I'm game."

"Yeah. I'll" ask Phoebe if she happens to have any friends that would go on a date with you and George."

"George too?"

"He's my friend too so I don't want to leave him hanging."

"Oh, I'm sure George would love that," Jerry being sarcastic.

Later that night, Phoebe arrives at Monica's apartment and sees Rachel sitting on the couch reading a magazine.

"Hey Rach!" Phoebe said.

"Hey Pheebs," Rachel replied while reading a magazine.

"Where's Monica?" Phoebe wondered.

"She's alone in her room. You know I feel bad that she is still devastated over her break up with Richard."

"Yeah, me too. In fact, I'm dating this guy named Kramer and he has two friends who are available for you and Monica. I was thinking it will make you two feel better to get back on the dating scene."

"Ah, Phoebe that's nice and all, but I'm not sure I'm ready to date again, especially with the way things ended with Ross."

"Oh come on, at least do it for Monica. I got the perfect match for her, its Jerry Seinfeld."

"The comedian Jerry Seinfeld?" Rachel smiled. "I love him, he is so funny."

"Yeah, and he and Monica are both neat freaks, so see... the perfect match!"

"So who's my date?" Rachel asked.

"George Costanza," Phoebe replied.

"How attractive is he?" Rachel asked.

"I don't know what he looks like, so you'll" have to find out on your date," Phoebe replied.

"So I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that he's no Brad Pitt," Rachel said.

"Well I'm going to go check up on Monica. Phoebe walks to Monica's bedroom door and knocks three times.

"Monica, can I come in?"

"Sure," Monica said sounding so depressed.

Phoebe opened the door. The bedroom was dark and there were candles lit all over Monica's bedroom. There is Monica on her bed, as she was laying on her left side. The whole time she was staring at the left side of her room, with a sad, depressing look on her face.

"Monica, what's going on?" Phoebe worried.

"I'm just lying here, as I wait for death to come and take me away," Monica replied in a depressing tone in her voice.

"Yeesh, dark much? You keep this up and you'll" end up suicidal. Oh my god, that is what happened to my poor late mother," Phoebe realized.

"Monica, I know it sucks that you and Richard broke up, but you can't spend the entire time in the dark... surrounded by... such delightful candle lights. I'll" admit, I would spend the entire night in this cozy room," Phoebe looking around the room.

"Phoebe I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but I don't think anything will."

"What if I told you that I set you up on a date with Jerry Seinfeld?"

Monica rose up from the bed. "Jerry Seinfeld?! The comedian Jerry Seinfeld?!" Monica excited; she could not believe it.

"Do you know another Jerry Seinfeld?" Phoebe asked.

"I love him, he so is so funny!" Monica is overwhelmed with joy. "H-how were able to get me a date with him?"

"Well, I'm dating this guy named Kramer. He and Jerry are next door neighbors across the hall from their apartments. Rachel also has a date with Jerry's best friend, George," Phoebe explained.

"Phoebe, thank you so much for this, but I'm not sure if I can move on from Richard."

"Come on, I'm sure Richard has moved on by now."

"That doesn't sound like Richard to move on so quickly."

"This will be good for Monica."

"Okay. I'm going to sleep well tonight! Monica filled with excitement.

"You're going on a date with Jerry Seinfeld!" Phoebe excitedly said.

"I know!" Monica replied.

Two nights later, Ross arrives at Joey and Chandler's apartment.

"Hey Ross, I got three tickets for you, me, and Joey. The Knicks are playing against the Rockets tomorrow night, you're in?" Chandler asked.

Sorry, but uh, I have a date tomorrow with a lovely lady I just met at Central Perk."

"Well, well, well, a date you say?" Joey asked.

"Joey are little boy is all grown up!" Chandler proud.

"Yeah. Her name is Elaine and I can tell she is into me, especially since uh, she says I'm sponge worthy," Ross explained.

"Sponge worthy?" Joey confused. "Sounds like someone giving an old person a bath."

Ross and Chandler looked at Joey, as they did not know what to say next.

"Anyways, ignoring that," Chandler said; pointing his two fingers at Joey. "So what is she like?" How attractive is she?" he asked.

"How nice is the rack and that buttocks of hers? Joey asked.

Ross looks at Joey with a dull look on his face. "Oh, I don't know Joey. The next time I'll" carefully look down at her breast melons, and the next time she bends over, I'll" make sure to get a good look at her derriere," Ross being sarcastic.

"Alright, now you're talking," Joey couldn't help but smile.

"What is wrong you? He was obviously being sarcastic," Chandler said.

"Either way, let's make it happen!" Joey demanded.

"Anyways, Elaine is great. She is beautiful, funny, down to earth, she has such a breath taking smile by the way," Ross explained.

"Sounds like she's quite a catch," Joey said.

"She is. Well I better get going, you guys enjoy the Knicks game tomorrow," Ross said.

"You enjoy your date Romeo," Joey said.

"Go get 'em tiger!" Chandler said with such passion.

"So with Ross going on a date, who's going to be his replacement for the game tomorrow?" Joey wondered.

"How about Richard?" Chandler asked.

"Won't Monica have a problem with that?" Joey asked.

"Why would she? They are no longer a couple so I say its fine," Chandler replied.

"Yeah, but I'm sure Richard is still bummed about the break up," Joey said.

"If he is, we'll" get him some popcorn. If that doesn't work, we'll" take him to the strip club after the game," Chandler having everything according to plan.

"Yeah we will!" Joey said. Joey and Chandler high five each other.

The next night, Kramer slides into Jerry's apartment.

"Hey Jerry, you're ready for the big night?"

"I'm actually am ready for my date." Jerry notices the flowers in Kramer's hand.

"What's with the flowers?"

"Well unless you're a woman with breasts, these flowers are for Phoebe silly."

"You're giving her flowers already? This is your first date with her, you act as if you two have been dating for two months now."

"Well I prefer to give a woman flowers on the first date Jerry, I'm keeping it professional. By the way, you know when George will be here?"

"He should be here any minute."

George enters Jerry's apartment.

"And there's the little devil now," Jerry said.

"Kramer, I can't believe you set me up on a date, why did you have to get me involved?!" George asked.

"Well I didn't want to leave you hanging," Kramer replied.

"I would have been perfectly just fine not going on a date," George said.

"He's used to being alone, you know," Jerry being sarcastic.

"Well now that we're all here, its time to Giddy up! Gentlemen," Kramer said.

Jerry, George, and Kramer arrive outside of Monica's apartment.

"Is everyone ready?" Kramer asked.

"I am," Jerry said.

"Ready for this night to be over with," George said.

Kramer knocks on the door three times. Phoebe then opens the door.

"Hey Kramer," Phoebe said.

"Madam Buffay," Kramer replied. "These flowers are for you."

"Thank you, they're beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you," Kramer points his finger at her and gives Phoebe a wink.

Phoebe blushes then notices Jerry and George. "Oh, are these your friends? Oh my god, it's Jerry Seinfeld! Can I hug you?!"

Jerry backs away from Phoebe while putting his hand up to make sure she doesn't come any closer.

"No because I don't personally know you, but a handshake will do," Jerry said.

Jerry and Phoebe give each other a handshake.

"And you must be George. Wow, you're short. You would be the perfect elf for Christmas," Phoebe said.

George stays relaxed and calm before he even thought about losing his temper. "Yeah, nice meeting you too," he said.

Phoebe and George shake hands.

"Come on in," Phoebe said. "Rachel, Monica, this is Kramer, we're dating."

"Hi Kramer," Monica said.

"Nice to meet you Kramer," Rachel said.

"Hi," Kramer said while putting his hand up.

Phoebe then grabs Jerry by the arm, as she walks him towards Monica. "Monica, here's your date."

Monica couldn't believe it. She was excited to meet the comedian she loves right in front of her eyes. "Jerry Seinfeld! It's like I've won the lottery or the big sweepstakes!"

"So Phoebe, who is my date?" Rachel asked.

"This little guy right here, George Costanza," Phoebe replied.

Rachel is shocked and speechless, as she does not know what to say.

"Are you sure this is the right George?" " Are you sure this isn't his little brother?" Rachel questioning Phoebe.

"Listen sweetheart, I know I'm not the GQ model you were expecting, but you're going to have to deal with what you got. We can either go out, or stay in, and be miserable together, your choice," George said.

"I'm sorry, but I just.. I just wasn't expecting you to be-," George cuts off Rachel.

"Short, stocky, and bald?" George assumed.

"Sure, let's go with that." Rachel said with a nervous smile.

Jerry whispered to Kramer. "Hey Kramer, I bet you twenty-five bucks that tonight will be the only night George dates Rachel."

Kramer whispered to Jerry. "Make it fifty and you got yourself a deal."

"Deal," Jerry whispered. They both shake on it.

Phoebe and Kramer are back at Kramer's apartment. They spend the night getting to know each other while sitting on Kramer's couch.

"I'm sorry for the loss of your mother Phoebe," Kramer being sympathetic.

"Thank you, but that was years ago," Phoebe replied.

"And you have a twin sister?"

"Yep, her name is Ursula."

"Is she as beautiful, also sweet as candy like you, my fair lady?"

Phoebe blushes again. "No, she's ugly and gross like hot garbage."

"Yikes. If you think about it, Ursula does sound evil. I'm glad I'm dating the right twin, huh?"

"Kramer, you are such the funniest, down to earth, awesome, laid back guy I have ever dated. I just want to let you know I'm glad that I got the opportunity of meeting you."

"I feel the same way my blonde gracious beauty."

"In fact, I actually wrote a song about you that I would like for you to hear."

"You actually wrote a song about me? When did you do that?"

"Oh hours before you came over to Monica's, it didn't take long to do it." Phoebe grabs her guitar to play the song for Kramer.

"Got the guitar, I see," Kramer is impressed.

"I hope you like the song," Phoebe is now playing the song for Kramer.

_Kramer, Kramer, Cosmo Kramer,_

_I rather be with you than anyone lamer,_

_Kramer, Kramer, you're so funny,_

_Sweet and gentle like a little bunny,_

_Kramer, Kramer, you're so friendly,_

_I know you'll" always be there to protect me,_

_Kramer, Kramer, Cosmo Kramer,_

_I rather be with you than anyone lamer_

"That's it, so what do you think?' Phoebe asked.

It.. was.. AWESOME!" Kramer said with excitement.

"Really?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh yeah! You got a gift for that guitar playing. You're like an angel that I have been looking for all my life. You complete me Phoebe Buffay."

Phoebe quickly grabs Kramer by his shirt; leaning him in closer to her. "Kiss me my fair lover," she said in a seductive voice.

Phoebe kisses Kramer on the couch. Kramer eyes grew wider, as he is enjoying being kissed by Phoebe.

Meanwhile, Jerry and Monica are having their first date at a restaurant. Monica still couldn't believe that she was on a date with Jerry.

"I'm really having a great time tonight. I still can't believe I'm on a date with you," Monica said.

"Who wouldn't want to date a Jewish comedian like me?" Jerry replied.

"So you're a neat freak, just like me? Monica asked.

"Oh absolutely. I hate leaving my apartment when it is messy and cleaning the bathroom is the most important task," Jerry explained.

"I'm all about keeping things nice, tidy, and organized in an exact fashion," Monica said.

"I don't think a lot of people realize how important cleanliness is next to godliness," Jerry replied.

"I know!" Monica said.

"I know, right!" Jerry replied.

Back at Ross' apartment, Ross and Elaine are having a glass of wine.

"A glass of wine for Madam," Ross handing the glass of wine to Elaine before sitting down next to her on his couch.

"Thank you," Elaine said when taking the glass of wine from Ross.

"Elaine, is it okay if I ask you this question?"

"Oh you can ask me anything Dr. Ross Geller, Ph.D," Elaine smiles.

Ross couldn't help but to snicker a little. "Loving it!" he said. "Uh, when it comes to a relationship between two people, and a man or woman tells the significant other that quote, "we need a break" unquote, does that mean its the end of the relationship?"

"Oh no doubt. When someone says "we need a break," its the end of the road for the relationship, there's no turning back. By the way, I think its cute when you do your little air quotes," Elaine added.

"Well thank you. The reason why I asked was my ex-girlfriend, Rachel's definition of quote, "being on a break," means the relationship isn't over, we just need time away from one another," Ross explained.

"Well of course she's going to say that. When someone in the relationship feels that he/she and the significant other needs a break, it automatically means they're done," Elaine explained.

"Oh my god, thank you! It finally feels good to know that someone agrees with me!" Ross replied.

"Sounds like its hard for her to admit that you were right. If you tell her that she's wrong to her face, she'll" get mad and will take it out on you."

"I agree. Rachel has some nerve to get mad at me, like I'm the bad guy!" Ross frustrated.

"You don't need Rachel. I can be your new Rachel, what do you say, Rossy poo?" Elaine puts her arm around Ross' shoulder.

"Rachel who?!" Ross replied.

The next morning, Kramer slides into Jerry's apartment in a wonderful mood.

"Morning Jerry! Such a beautiful day, isn't it! Its even more beautiful when you're in LOVE!"

"Well someone had a wonderful night," Jerry said.

"Not just wonderful, also a magical night," Kramer replied.

"So what did you and Phoebe do all night in your apartment?"

"Well we sat on the couch, talking, getting to know each other, she even wrote and played a song about me."

"She wrote a song about you? When did she do that?"

"She wrote it hours before we got to Monica's place. Jerry, the song is music to my eyes, its called "Kramer, Kramer, Cosmo Kramer."

"She must be a hoot playing that guitar, huh?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Yeah. Then we kissed after she grabbed me by my shirt and said to me, "Kiss me my fair lover," her voice was seductive when she said it to me. Jerry, I felt fireworks and it was like a big RUSH when she kissed me!"

Someone is knocking on the door three times.

"Come in," Jerry said.

Phoebe is coming into Jerry's apartment.

"Hey Kramer, I think I forgot something."

"Oh yeah," Kramer just remembered. He digs in his pants pocket and pulls out Phoebe's panties. He then hands it too her.

"Thanks," she said then leans in giving Kramer a kiss on the lips. "Last night was great," she said in a seductive voice.

"Until next time amore," Kramer replied.

Phoebe smiles. "So cute," she says then tickles Kramer on his stomach. Kramer is laughing out of control.

"Okay, I got to go. Bye Jerry," Phoebe leaves the apartment.

"Did you two have sex?"

"We sure did. SHE'S A FREAK IN THE SHEETS JERRY! Anyways, I gotta get going, later Jerry."

George comes into the apartment.

"Hey George," Kramer said.

"Hey Kramer," George replied.

"So Jerry, how was your date with Monique? Marlene?" George forgetting Monica's name.

"It's Monica, and the date was great. I'm head over heels for her."

"Sounds like you two got a lot in common," George assumed.

"Besides us being Jewish, we're both neat freaks. And get this, she's a chef."

"Love a woman who knows how to cook!" George claps his hands together due to loving the fact that Monica is a chef.

"She also looks like Meryl, the woman who pretended to be my wife to be apart of my dry cleaning discount."

"Really?" George said.

"Yeah," Jerry replied.

"Does she have a twin sister?" George asked.

"No, she doesn't. She has an older brother, Ross, the same doctor that is currently dating Elaine. Anyways, enough about my date, I was your date with Rapunzel? Rochelle?" Jerry forgetting Rachel's name.

"Its Rachel. You have the nerve to get on me for forgetting Monica's name when you're forgetting Rachel's name." George said.

"You're right, I'm sorry," Jerry replied.

"My date with Rachel went well and we will be going on another date soon."

"Great. Now that I lost the bet, I have to pay up fifty dollars to Kramer," Jerry disappointed.

George pauses for a second. "Bet, what bet?" he asked.

"Me and Kramer made a bet. I bet Kramer that last night would be your only date with Rachel, and Kramer bet me that you would still be dating her," Jerry explained.

"You bet fifty dollars on me that I would only date Rachel for one night?!" George freaking out.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't think it would work between you too!" Jerry said.

"Well its a good thing you lost since I'm still dating her! This is karma back on you Jerry, KARMA!" George is angry with Jerry.

Kramer slides back into Jerry's apartment.

"Hey, I forgot something," Kramer has his hand out as he remembered that Jerry owes him fifty dollars.

Jerry rolls his eyes. "Alright," he said. Jerry gets his wallet out and gives Kramer fifty dollars.

"Pleasure doing business with you Mr. Seinfeld," Kramer said.

"Yeah, yeah, now please go on your merry way," Jerry replied.

A week later, Jerry and Monica have their second date together at her place. After dessert, they both go to Monica's living room to sit on the couch.

"Dinner and dessert was great," Jerry said.

"Thank you," Monica replied.

"You know you should come out with your own cook book," Jerry recommended.

"Really?" Monica said.

"Absolutely, especially since you're such a wonderful chef. You're chef skills and your cleanliness turn me on." Jerry said.

"You saying those things are turning me on," Monica replied.

"You know what will turn me on, us kissing face to face," Jerry said.

Jerry and Monica slowly kiss each other on the lips. All of a sudden, someone knocks on the door, as Jerry and Monica stopped kissing.

"I'll" get it," Monica gets up to go open the door. At the door, its Richard, Monica's ex-boyfriend. Monica was surprised to see Richard at her door unannounced.

"Richard… what are you doing here?"

"Hello Monica, you're looking well."

"Thanks.. you're not."

"Monica, I haven't stop thinking about you since our break up. Surely there has to be another way for this relationship to work."

"I'm sorry, but I really don't think there is a future for us."

"Can I at least come in so we can talk?"

"This is not a good time Richard."

Richard tilt his head to the right. He sees Jerry sitting on the couch.

"Oh, I see you have already moved on from me," Richard disappointed.

"No, that's not true. Listen, this is really not a good time right now, so can I please call you later?" Monica asked.

"Okay. By the way, the guy you're dating, is he some comedian?" Richard asked.

"Yeah, that's Jerry Seinfeld," Monica replied.

"Oh I was thinking that was Gilbert Gottfried," Richard then walks away.

"Monica stands and stares at Richard due to mistaking Jerry for Gilbert Gottfried. She then closes the door behind her and sits back on the couch with Jerry.

"Is everything alright?" Jerry asked.

Monica smiles at Jerry, acting as if she is perfectly fine. "Oh yeah sure."

"Should I leave? I mean we can do this another time so you can talk to your ex-boyfriend."

"That's sweet, but I'll" call him later. He is still having a hard time after our break up."

"So what was the reason for the both of you to break up? He's gay, isn't he?" Jerry guessed.

Monica giggles. "No, he's not gay."

"He's afraid of commitment?" Jerry guessed again.

"No. He's not afraid of commitment nor is he gay," Monica replied.

"You sure he's not gay?" Jerry questioning her. "With that porn star mustache, he's gotta be coming out of the closet eventually."

Monica explains. "Trust me, he's straight. The reason why we broke up is because I want children, but he does not."

Jerry is shocked and says nothing.

The next day, Jerry and George are at Jerry's apartment talking about his second date with Monica.

"So how was your second date with Monica last night? Ah see, I remembered her name."

"You deserve a gold star for that," Jerry sarcastically replied. "Anyways, it was great. We had dinner, dessert, after dessert, we sat on her couch on the living room, we slowly leaned in and kissed each other until her ex-boyfriend showed up," he explained.

"Ex-boyfriend, huh?" George asked.

"Yeah. Get this, Monica told me the reason why they broke up was because Richard does not want children, but she does."

"Yikes," George said.

"Now I have to break up with her."

"Why?" George asked.

"Because I don't want children either! I can't picture myself being a father! I'm just like Richard! I'm the Richard 2.0!" Jerry freaking out.

"But I thought you said you like her?" George assumed.

"I do, but what's the point of being together if she wants children, but I don't," Jerry replied.

"Just offer to have kids with her so you won't lose her, despite you not wanting kids," George suggested.

"That's what Richard did, but she wants to have kids with a man who wants the same thing, not because he has to," Jerry replied.

"Yeah, you're gonna have to break up with her," George agreed with Jerry.

The next scene, Rachel and Phoebe are with Monica at her apartment.

"So how was your night with Mr. Seinfeld?" Rachel asked.

"It was fine until Richard showed up," Monica replied.

"Richard was here last night?" Rachel asked.

"Sounds like he still hasn't gotten over you," Phoebe assumed.

"He hasn't. We talked last night after the date with Jerry. Maybe this was a mistake," Monica having second thoughts.

"Honey, you can't let Richard get to you like that," Rachel said.

"We all love Richard, but its best that he tries to move on from you. Besides, you're dating Jerry Seinfeld for crying out loud!" Phoebe bursting with excitement.

Monica also bursting with excitement. "I know!"

Joey and Chandler walk in. Monica quickly turns her head and confronts both of them.

"Hey, you two," she said.

"Are we in trouble?" Joey asked.

"Please don't kick our asses, please don't kick our asses," Chandler's hands up in defense while backing up in front of Joey.

"What happened to taking Richard to the game the other night?" Monica asked.

"He went to the game with us, but he didn't have a great time," Chandler replied.

"Yeah, the entire time he kept talking about you constantly, nothing basketball related at all," Joey added.

"Well did you go take him to the strip club after the game?" Monica asked.

"We did, but he was sad like he lost a best friend. Even one of the strippers gave him a lap dance, but he kept talking about you again," Chandler explained.

"Yeah, what man goes to a strip club and still can't cheer up?" Joey asked.

"I know, right?" Chandler agreeing with Joey.

Later that night, Ross and Elaine are back at her apartment enjoying each other's company.

"Nice place you got have here Elaine."

"Thank you Dr. Geller, Ph. D," Elaine said seductively then whispering "Ph. D" in Ross' right ear while smiling.

"Still loving it!" Ross filled with excitement. "You know I uh, want to thank you for hearing where I'm coming from with the whole me and Rachel on a break fiasco."

"Oh sure, no problem."

"I mean I still can't believe Rachel has the audacity to think I'm the bad guy. She's the one who suggested that we quote, "go on a break" unquote." Ross frustrated.

"I know I'm going to need a break," Elaine is starting to lose her patience. She face palms when Ross continues talking about Rachel.

"Who does she think she is? She acts like I can't tell the difference between going on a break and when not going on a break."

"Okay Ross.. can we take a break, no pun intended, from talking about Rachel please?"

"You're right, I'm sorry. Let's focus on you and me."

Someone is knocking on Elaine's door.

"I'm sorry Ross, let me see who it is," Elaine gets up to open her door. Her ex-boyfriend, David Puddy is standing at the door.

Elaine is surprised. "David, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"Hey Elaine, you still thinking about me? Because I still miss you."

"No, I have not been thinking about nor do I miss you. I told you that we are officially over."

"Why do we talk about it like two grown adults in your apartment."

"Sorry, now is not a good time."

Puddy then notices Ross. "Who's he?" he asked.

"That is Dr. Ross Geller, Ph. D," Elaine replied.

"Oh really? Hey buddy, you're dating my ex-girl?!" Puddy walks in and confronts Ross.

"Uh, yes I am," Ross replied.

Elaine introduces Ross to Puddy. "Ross, this David Puddy, my ex-boyfriend. David, this is Ross."

"Nice to meet you," Ross has his hand out to shake Puddy's hand.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Puddy giving Ross a warning. Ross is now feeling nervous.

"You think you're better than me, especially when you're a doctor too?" Puddy asked.

Ross laughs a little. "Uh, I don't think I'm better than anybody."

"You think you're better than me now that you have my ex-girl?"

"Listen pal, whatever happened between you and Elaine is over. She's moved on and now she is dating me," Ross standing up to Puddy.

"David, please leave Ross alone."

"Stay out of this Elaine, this is grown men talking," Puddy replied. He then walks a little closer towards Ross. "Hopefully you'll" have a speedy recovery doctor because you're about to experience some pain once I'm done with you."

"NO! NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!" Ross screams;using his hands to cover his face from getting hit.

The next day at Monk's, Jerry and George are having lunch.

"So tonight's the night you break up with Monica?" George asked.

"Yeah, I'm not prepared for this," Jerry replied.

"I haven't seen you so madly in love with a woman since Jeannie," George said.

"You're right about that," Jerry replied.

A woman who looks like Cynthia, Elaine's friend, walks in to Monk's. Jerry and George notice her.

"Hey, isn't that Cynthia, one of Elaine's friends?" Jerry asked.

"Yeah. Hey Cynthia!" George called.

"Who's Cynthia? Sweetheart, my name is Janice."

"Oh sorry. You look exactly like this woman I met before. Do you happen to have a twin sister?" George asked.

"Oh no. I'm the only the child," Janice then laughs.

Jerry and George face each other. They both have disgusted looks on their faces because of Janice's annoying laugh.

"Anyways, have you seen a guy named Chandler? He was supposed to meet me at Central Perk."

"He's probably hiding from you," Jerry being sarcastic.

Janice laughs again. "You're funny. You must be some comedian," Janice then hits Jerry hard on his left shoulder. Jerry looks at her as he did not understand why she would hit him so hard.

"Well you two have a nice day," Janice walks out of Monk's.

"That woman can hit hard," Jerry said.

"She looks exactly like Cynthia, but its not her. Its the same thing with Monica. She looks like Meryl, but its not Meryl you're dating," George replied.

"We're living in a world full of dopplegangers," Jerry said.

"It looks like it my friend," George replied. "Janice's laugh however, oh my god! Who is she, a wannabee Fran Drescher?"

Elaine walks in and sits with the guys at the table.

"Hey," Elaine said.

"Hey," both Jerry and George replied.

"So how your night with Dr. Ross Geller, Ph. D?" Jerry asked.

"It was fine at first until he kept talking about his ex-girlfriend Rachel and the whole "we were on a break" crap that drove me nuts. To make things worse, David shows up at my apartment," Elaine explained.

"Puddy was at your place last night?" Jerry asked.

"Yeah. He wants us to get back together and when he saw Ross, he confronted him to the point David was going to hurt him."

"So what did Puddy do?" Jerry asked.

"He was about to punch him, but I quickly grabbed David's arm, turned him around, and pushed him out of my apartment."

"So Ross' ex-girlfriend is Rachel, Rachel Green?" George curiously asked.

"Yeah, you know her?" Elaine asked.

"Know her, I'm dating her. She told me about the "on the break" crap ,and Ross ended up having a one-night stand behind her back with a hot girl from the copy place. George snickering and then says "What a jerk."

"George, Rachel is the one who wanted the break up, not Ross. He thought their relationship was over I mean when someone wants a break from the other person, that means the relationship is done," Elaine explained.

"Oh please I'm not buying that. Jerry tell her that's ridiculous."

"I think Elaine is right. If someone wants a break from you, that officially means the relationship is a done deal. Besides, it sounds like Ross was drunk when he had the one-night stand, its not like he wanted to purposely do it behind Rachel's back."

"Cheating is cheating, regardless if the person did it on purpose or not," George said.

"I think you're just saying that to be on Rachel's good side," Jerry being suspicious.

"What does she see in you anyway?" Elaine wondering.

"She said I remind her of Ross since we're both neurotic and whiny," George replied.

"Yeah that sounds about right," Jerry said.

Kramer walks in and sits next to Jerry at the table.

"Hey," Kramer said.

"Where have you been? We haven't seen you in days," Jerry said.

"I've been spending time with Phoebe," Kramer replied.

"Who's Phoebe?" Elaine asked.

"His lady friend," George answered.

"She's more than a lady friend, she's my lover. She's an awesome guitar player and she's one heck of a tickler. We have been spending the most time back at my place making all kinds of L-O-V-E," Kramer said.

Later that night, someone knocks on Monica's apartment door three times. Monica goes to the door to see who it is. Jerry is at the door.

"Hey Jerry," Monica happy to see him.

"We need to talk," Jerry replied.

Monica could tell something was wrong. "Sure, come on in."

"Is everything alright?" she asked.

"Monica, I am madly in love with you and dating you has been great-," Monica cuts off Jerry.

"Let me guess, you're breaking up with me."

"I'm sorry, but I'm just like Richard. I don't want to have kids, so I thought it was best to come to your place and tell you in person."

Monica looking sad and disappointed. "I appreciate you for that. I wish there was another way for this to work out."

"Can we still be friends?" Jerry smiles.

Monica smiles back. "I would like that."

"If you want to see my stand-up, I'll" get you free tickets."

"Really? You would do that for me?"

"Of course."

Monica continues to smile while glazing into Jerry's eyes. She thought it was thoughtful of Jerry to get her free tickets to his stand-up.

"Oh what the hell," Monica said. She then leans in giving Jerry a passionate kiss.

"Could we be friends with benefits?" Jerry smiles.

Monica giggles. "Maybe," she replied. Monica and Jerry kiss again.

Moving on to the next scene, a month later, George and Jerry are talking at Jerry's apartment.

"So how ya holding up since your breakup with Monica?" George wondered.

"I think I'll" be fine. We're still friends and I would make sure to get her free tickets to my stand-up. I also asked her if we could be friends with benefits?"

"Why did she say?" George asked.

"She gave me a maybe," Jerry replied.

"Jerry, you sly devil you," George said.

Elaine comes in the apartment.

"Hey," Elaine said.

"Hey," both Jerry and George replied.

"What are you guys up to?" Elaine wondered.

"Jerry was just telling me that him and Monica maybe friends with benefits," George replied.

"I thought you said she wanted kids?" Elaine asked Jerry.

"She does, but if were friends with benefits, she'll" possibly get it out of her system and then move on to a man who want kids just like her," Jerry having it all figured out.

Kramer and Phoebe are walking into the apartment while holding hands.

"Hey guys," Kramer said.

"Hey Kramer," George, Elaine, and Jerry all replied.

"Usually I would slide right into this apartment, but not when I'm holding hands with a lovely lady by my side," Kramer said. Phoebe is flattered.

"Elaine, this is Phoebe," Kramer said.

They both exchange a handshake. "Nice to meet you Elaine. You are beautiful by the way," Phoebe said.

"Oh well thank you, so are you," Elaine replied.

"Jerry and George, you guys obviously know Phoebe," Kramer said.

"I wish I didn't know her," George replied.

"Are you still upset about me saying you would be the perfect elf for Christmas?" Phoebe asked.

Elaine couldn't help but laugh.

Phoebe is walking towards George with her arms out. "Come here, come here and get your big boy hug from Phoebe."

George is backing away from her. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Auntie Phoebe is going to give you a hug," she replied.

"Get away from me. Keep your hug, I don't want your stinkin' hug!" George yelled.

Phoebe gives George a big hug and picks him up. After that, she goes back and stands next to Kramer. Kramer has something to share with the gang.

"Well I have an announcement to make. Me and Phoebe..."

Kramer and Phoebe both say it at the same time. "We're getting married!"

George, Elaine, and Jerry are all shocked.

"You two are getting married?!" George yelled.

"Don't you think you're moving too fast I mean the both of you have been dating for a month now," Jerry said.

"We know were rushing into this, but we are madly head over heels for each other," Kramer said.

"Yeah, Kramer is my soulmate," Phoebe replied. "Check out this wedding ring, isn't it bad ass? I can't wait to become Mrs. Phoebe Buffay Kramer... "It has a nice ring to it! Get it, Phoebe Buffay Kramer and I'm wearing an actual wedding ring."

Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer all laugh as they get the joke.

"So since you two are getting married, does that mean you're going to move in with Phoebe?" Jerry asked Kramer.

"Actually I asked Phoebe to move in with me. No worries Jerry, your buddy is not going anywhere!"

"Oh I am so happy," Jerry being sarcastic.

Newman runs into the apartment. He finally found Kramer. "Kramer there you are, where have you been? I haven't seen you in days."

"Sorry about that Newman. I've been hanging with this lady. Newman meet Phoebe, Phoebe this is Newman."

Newman took her hand, then leaned down to kiss it. "Enchanted to meet you madam."

"Getting kissed on my hand and being referred to as madam? I could get used to this," Phoebe said.

"Hey Newman I'm glad you're here. I just told the gang that me and Phoebe are getting married."

Newman is shocked and freaks out. "You're getting married? Oh no, Kramer you can't get married."

"Why not when I'm in love?"

"Because if you get married, it will be the end of our friendship."

"What are you talking about?"

"When two people get married, it means they'll" be spending the most time together, while their friends will be forgotten. Madam Phoebe I'm sorry, but I can't allow you to marry my friend! I WON'T ALLOW IT!"

"Hey! Hey! HEY! NEWMAN CALM DOWN!" Kramer then digs in his pants pocket and pulls out Drake's coffee cake.

"Newman! Look what I got! You want Drake's coffee cake! GO GET IT BOY!" Kramer runs to the door and opens it. He throws Drake's coffee cake out in the hallway and Newman runs after it. Kramer closes the door behind Newman.

"Sorry about that everyone, Newman isn't himself when he is hungry and freaks out. Drake's coffee cake always does the trick," Kramer said.

"I bet if you give him a Snickers, you'll" get the exact same results," Jerry replied.

To be continued.


End file.
